I’ve had many nicknames throughout my life, but never one quite like this.
I’d like to think I’ve blossomed to this new version of a mess, mainly because I really wanted a change. After years of absolut tiredness and crazyness I needed some fresh air. It’s exhausting living nowadays, so much stress over: who you are, what you do and what you want. Growing up under the rules of a society which will sentence you to 7 years of bad luck, because you weren’t fit to its standards; it’s frightning.
Since I was 12 I aspired to be a journalist, turns out that 6 months into communications weren’t really the dream. I quit, perhaps too soon, but I did it anyway. And after that I felt lost; lost as in math class back in high school. Confusion overpowered my being making me incapable of moving forward. Why didn’t I love something I always wanted?
Bad love is as bad as mixing tequila with vodka and rum and sweets. It will definitely be the worst hangover of your life, an instant regret. The real problem is: you can get addicted to it. I guess a terrible lover can really do some major damage, mostly mentally. Part of my exhaustion was caused by someone who was incapable of loving. And the other part was me, holding to someone who would never stay.
Friendship is as fragile as marriage. It’s hard to make friends, but it’s easy to lose them. The worst part of it all, it’s when you’re used to say «goodbye» and you’re actually okay with it. Is it «bad» to want to be alone sometimes?
I wanted to redeem myself. The single thought of feeling brand new, was that motivation I desesperately needed to go forward. So I found solace in things that genuinely made me feel good; along with that came the idea of a new persona. Like reborning to a new version of myself, and that’s why I became Ella.
Becoming Ella 